Why I hate you and you hate me: The interplay of envy, greed, jealousy and narcissism in everyday life, Part 2
Why I hate you and you hate me: The interplay of envy, greed, jealousy and narcissism in everyday life, Part 2 TW: Pedophilia
Link: https://www.routledge.com/Why-I-Hate-You-and-You-Hate-Me-The-Interplay-of-Envy-Greed-Jealousy-and-Narcissism-in-Everyday-Life/HBerke/p/book/9781780490328?srsltid=AfmBOoqcHZKKfbJweOMQdlRjZBLQBZkP27n03nKNk5OQh7C6KeMXOMNI
Citation: Berke, J. H. (2018). Why I hate you and you hate me: The interplay of envy, greed, jealousy and narcissism in everyday life. Routledge.
Full disclaimer on the unwanted presence of AI codependency cathartics/ AI inferiorists as a particularly aggressive and disturbed subsection of the narcissist population: https://narcissismresearch.miraheze.org/wiki/AIReactiveCodependencyRageDisclaimer
TW: Pedophilia
Increasingly, especially in inceldom, a growing amount of men show jealousy for the award of children to women and compete on this point not for the care of the child but in an envious competition with the court’s regard of the mother as the more loving or trustworthy of the two.
It doesn’t actually have to do with the child, but an envy of the court’s regard of the mother, who, usually does in fact tend to have a naturally stronger oxytocin and estrogen based bond to their child that results in markedly better childcare due to more hormonal/bodily investment.
It can be physically excruciating to the female body to lose a child or something to which similar functions have attached, like a cat, in ways there is not as much of an equivalent vocabulary for in the male body.
“Nowadays, when divorce is easy, the award of children in a broken marriage to the mother is an intense enticement to jealousy. The outcome can be murderous revenge, as often happens when a father kills his children so his ex-wife cannot have them (Lee & Bagli, op. cit.)
Behind much of pedophilia is the desire to kill the child, especially where they are not a sufficient self-extension and it is intended to break down the self to become a nothing except an extension of the parent who is trying to compensate for something with the child at their beck and call. Mixed up in all this process is the hate they feel for this person being young in ways they no longer are.
“After all, their myths described them in gruesome detail. As far as they were concerned it was better to bed a boy than to kill him. Presumably they also realised that it is possible to allay overt envy by treating someone as an extension of oneself. An adult who could impart himself to a handsome youth, and be honoured as well, was less likely to dwell on his own inadequate or fading assets.”
Parents that could not tolerate or acknowledge their own unresolved and repressed childlike experiences (the narcissist’s vulnerability experience) treated children who reminded them of their own unwanted vulnerability with the same hate and disdain they felt for their own vulnerability due to narcissism.
“Such ‘childish monsters help to account for the countless number of boys and girls who were rejected and injured, or simply killed often by fathers, but also by mothers for “misbehaving”. Since the parents could not tolerate, or even acknowledge, their own childlike experiences, there was no way that they would allow ‘this child’ to live in the outside world either. Needless to say this is a still a problem seeking a solution.”
The sins of the father being placed upon the child is another good example of how preformal logic and sloppy associative logical thinking can do profound and massive damage to those around it.
Louis XIII, son of Henry IV, was beat horrifically from a young age, sometimes waking up to the most horrific beatings by his nurse because of being his father's son.
He was not his father, and to suggest one generation is collapsible to the next goes against everything we know about each subsequent generation supporting and improving the next without collapsing into zero sum and false equivalency.
In the same way there is nothing about praise that suggests it must be cancelled out with the praise of others, or that others must be brought into the praise of an individual person at all times beyond magical thinking about zero sum, the idea that the sins of the father must be met on the son is again magical thinking that does profound and horrific damage to those around it.
“A malicious preoccupation with discipline also prevailed in most parts of Europe and AMerica. This was most carefully documented in accounts of the childhood of the king of France, Louis XIII, son and heir of Henry IV. The child was treated as if he possessed all the sins of his fathers, from envy to obstinancy.”
Parents may punish children just for being forced to deny their impulses.
“These issues are universal and more than evident today. Parents of their surrogates often become dangerous prosecutors who punish children for their own denied, guilt-ridden deviltires (impulses).”
Beatings can be a way for out of control leaders, including spiritual leaders, to beat someone down for having everything they did not. This is not in any way the proper use at all of any of these institutions.
“The pathological aspect of all this resides in his treating students as ‘monsters’, frightening figures, and convenient receptacles for his own denied willful, resentful, sensual self. By beating ‘evil spirits’, the rabbi essentially expressed his envy of everything that young men have which he did not.”
Parents who aren’t ready for their children to do better than them even though is the healthy, successful thing to have happened (the healthy “succession” process as a timeless trope for the human species) can be experienced by the unhealthy parent as a mortal fear or a fear of being mortally wounded when succession is a natural process of healthy genetic material moving into the future at a steady rate.
“Butler articulated fears extending from prehistory to the present that children are mortally dangerous to their parents. These fears encompass dual perspectives. These are objective conclusions that boys surpass their fathers, and girls their mothers. And there are subjective impressions of children as ‘little devils’. The latter arise from the overpowering phantasies of parents.”
“Failure to thrive” is often seen on the child of the envious narcissist and it is part of mental cruelty. “Failure to thrive” is clear and marked in children of overbearing, narcissistic, or excessively preformal and associative logical reliance in parents.
“There exists an enormous literature on child abuse ranging from physical injury, physical neglect, and failure to thrive to mental cruelty. In Britain the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) has documented the increasing number of reported cases.”
The weaponization of people vying for a person’s attention on one who rejects them or makes them feel inferior from a narcissistic position is a sickening but not uncommon theme of the envious rejected lover.
“The woman attempted to seduce him. When he resisted her advances, she slandered him before her husband who had him imprisoned. The episode has remarkable similarities to the Egyptian narrative, ‘Tale of Two Brothers’. It is an account of sibling intrigue and conflict, which the psychoanalyst Bruno Bettelheim (1976) has called the world’s oldest fairy tale. Preserved in papyrus manuscript, it can be dated to 1225 BCE, but undoubtedly older. The tale concerns an older man and his younger brother, their bitter struggles and eventual reconciliation. All this is fomented by the wife of one who tries to seduce and thereby impugn the honor of another.”
“Many men have commented that they wanted to welcome their newborn child, but found the task too difficult because they simultaneously saw the baby as an intruder, like a younger brother or sister.”
False chiding and half-meant consequences subtly state to the aggressor that what they’re doing is encouraged and wanted.
If an adult professional is encouraging this, they are neither sufficiently adult or professional and need to be temporarily removed from the post until their values are of a mature, professional caliber that will not cause harm to children or peers.
“Sometimes the discontent may flare up directly via angry, rejecting behavior towards a child, or indirectly be encouraging one child to bully another.”
It is not healthy or normal for parents to hate or be sexually jealous of their children, and when it does manifest in violence, it is often some of the worst news in the headlines.
When there is such a described abnormality in one or both parents, they can use the more envious of the children to do the dirty work they themselves would like to inflict while playing or pretending to be the envier's victim by working the exploitable envy in the more envious against the less envious one.
In this way they can pretend shared victimhood at the hand of the envious, while the scapegoat is more than willing to unwittingly do the dirty work earning the “knighthood” of the narcissistic parent while being disparaged and devalued behind closed doors.
Narcissists do not stop their closed-door betrayal and triangulation for anyone. There is not one person they will not triangulate or betray, sometimes immediately without any precipitating previous factor, or whose loyalty has purchased an exemption.
Given an opportunity and given the sense they think it will work, they will “reveal suddenly” feelings of victimization if they believe these revelations will be at a profit to some party. The valuable nature of loyalty is almost entirely not present in the incorrigibly envious narcissist.
Should all these betrayals be organized in one universal way, people would be devastated at the corruptibility, insecurity, and constant betrayal of the person before them.
“Then discontented parents can get their offspring to dramatise their own competitive instincts. I could cite many examples of this situation. Thus, in one family the older kids tried to poison and set fire to the younger ones, while the mother seemed oblivious to what was going on. It seemed that the older siblings were acting out mother’s not so unconscious wish to be rid of the younger children— rather drastic form of maternal rejection. Incidents like this are commonly reported in the daily press (Bank & Khan, op. cit.)
The desire to be “raised equally” may be behind massive and illegal infiltrations such as dataraid, hacking, and the sexual use of data raid better called “cyberrape”, including illegal infiltrations of hackable surveillance brands into the most private sectors of a victim’s life.
Feeling that one is not invited to a conversation and is receiving subpar development and therefore self-invites claiming they deserve equal access to that conversation with none of the dynamics that initiated it is the envy of the individual who wants all contributions to be treated equally on the premise of equal value of lives. (Equal lives does not in any way also mean equal contribution).
“One essential theme unites all the contributors to sibling strife–’It’s not fair!’ This is an argument, more a war cry, that runs from Cain and Abel to the Oresteia, or, in the late twentieth century, the TV series Dynasty. The perceived presence or absence of fairness provokes or mitigates the resentments that lurk in all people concerning food, love, beauty, attention, privilege, power, that is oral, female, or male possessions—the common streams.”
Siblicide can often be the result of infantile obliterative envy of now being required to share. This can be a pick-up subconscious expression of underdevelopment in the parents who also show signs of operating and thinking like infants, deep still in preformal logic and histronic associative reasoning not befitting the mature adult logical capacity.
Here the immature child’s “...they’re gone, they’re history” is the obliterative envy of the small child who still has not reconciled with having siblings, and who may be expressing this wound that was never resolved in the immature parents whose preformal logic suggests underdevelopment at just these junctures.
Most adults do not struggle to collect the distress tolerance necessary to admit the existence of other people’s loved and supported others simply because other people love and support them. Yet, there are some people stuck in an infant stage and showing all the narcissistic fragility of it. Russia’s constant rage at the support of Ukraine is one such example.
Another is a friend who passed away is increasingly seeing an erasure of their pictures and content in a way that resembles literal Nazi denialism, with their Palestinian visage becoming increasingly “wallpapered over” with images of white men and Donald Trump. These are not who I want to see. One often falls into the trap of wishing the one able to commit such a horrific act of Nazi denialism was gone in their place where the one who had passed would not have put such an ugly energy into the world.
It truly reminds one of a sickening boy angry and jealous at the inaccurately conflated mother’s attention and love stuck in a grown adult male’s body. They are a grown adult male. This is without excuse. They cannot act like a sickening toddler anymore, capable of obliterative envy simply because someone else is loved and supported. Russia shows the same “Chucky toddler” like behavior towards Ukraine, attacking not only Ukraine but those who support it in its attacks for independence that reflects the viciously jealous parent.
Ironically, this is not even a Russian tradition, but more one of St. Petersburg where Putin originates. For instance, Siberian culture and a lot of general Gopnik culture emphasises “cutting the cord” of maternal dependence, harshness, and exiting a petulant boyhood relatively early for hunting and warrior skill. You cannot survive in the harshness of Siberia (where Siberia isn’t always Gopnik, but has a large Gopnik faction) without having a healthy relationship to autonomy and independence. The earlier this cord is cut the better. There is no aggressive attempt to reestablish the “umbilical cord” or destroy the independent adult.
Those able to hunt are “paid like adults”; if they bring in a hunted animal, that is theirs to have.
It isn’t or denied or stripped from them due to pathological envy problems, the likes of which I believe can get you removed from even the US military on grounds of “stealing honor”.
Everything suggests an unbelievable, pretty anti-Russian pitch of envy problems that more befit the “umbilical cord” style of the UK has in its “feeding” attempts to evade, humiliate and destroy the threatening sovereignty than the tendencies of actual, especially deeper mainland, native Russians or generally Slavic people with Asiatic featues.
This approach therefore isn’t even markedly Russian and bears a more Westernized, controlling signature with more than one more pedophilic element where the adult is humiliated into being treated and paid like a child so the person can retain a flattering identity as the parent in a providing posture. This is not okay when a nation is a sovereign in the same way this is not okay with an adult is not a child.
This reflects something of a demented child’s obliterative envy, that they must erase the deep narcissistic threat of the (often inaccurately) perceived mother’s love and attention.
“These hatreds can even extend to older siblings and parents. A thirteen-year-old north London girl was arrested after she set fire to the cots of her baby brother and sister. When questioned by neighbors about what had happened, she remarked, “...they’re
gone, they’re history.” Previously that day she had written in her diary, “Mummy is going to die tonight” (Horsnell, 1991, p.8)
Narcissistic mothers may encourage rivalry and denigration so they can triangulate and move the polarized energy more in their direction, good or bad.
Narcissistic fathers may send excessive malicious projections at their most envied children in a barrage of excessive, inaccurate and telling histrionic associative reasoning.
“The active persecutions include both the absence of goodness and the presence of meanness, as with a self-centred mother who alternates indifference with rivalry and denigration, or a Schreber-like father who fills his children with malicious projections, but some more than others.”