Why I hate you and you hate me: : The interplay of envy, greed, jealousy and narcissism in everyday life
Why I hate you and you hate me: The interplay of envy, greed, jealousy and narcissism in everyday life
Why I hate you and you hate me: The interplay of envy, greed, jealousy and narcissism in everyday lifeWhy I hate you and you hate me: The interplay of envy, greed, jealousy and narcissism in everyday life, Part 1 Link: https://www.routledge.com/Why-I-Hate-You-and-You-Hate-Me-The-Interplay-of-Envy-Greed-Jealousy-and-Narcissism-in-Everyday-Life/HBerke/p/book/9781780490328?srsltid=AfmBOoqcHZKKfbJweOMQdlRjZBLQBZkP27n03nKNk5OQh7C6KeMXOMNI
Citation: Berke, J. H. (2018). Why I hate you and you hate me: The interplay of envy, greed, jealousy and narcissism in everyday life. Routledge.
Full disclaimer on the unwanted presence of AI codependency cathartics/ AI inferiorists as a particularly aggressive and disturbed subsection of the narcissist population: https://narcissismresearch.miraheze.org/wiki/AIReactiveCodependencyRageDisclaimer
Envy, like the dynamic between domestic servant employers and sexually abused servants is, in modern society, hushed up, denied, best forgotten, or avoided. It is seen as an admission of inferiority.
https://www.reddit.com/r/denialstudies/comments/1i1k7jt/deference_and_disdain_domestic_service_in/
“Yet when you talk to people they are always are of envy, usually in others. I think that envy is to modern times what sex was to the Victorians, an obsession best forgotten, denied, or avoided.”
The envious possess the desire to ruin the envied.
“In contrast, an envious person is not concerned with possessing just with preventing others from possessing. For the envious or evil eye, goodness must not be preserved, only attacked, spoiled or destroyed.”
Narcissists feel put down, disabled and generally inferior when compared to those they envy. They therefore try to retaliate, putting them down, disabling them, and making them feel inferior as retaliation/revenge for their existence. They then inflate the self to try to resolve the psychological injury.
“Rather narcissism involves intense self-hatred. Why? Because when the narcissist compares himself with another person, he feels put down, disabled and generally inferior. Consequently the narcissistic response is to inflate the self, in contrast to the envious response which is to deflate the other. In fact they are two aspects of a common response to an unwelcome reality.”
Jealousy created “grateitude”; a grating, burning feeling by an ungrateful state of mind as well as forceful, annihilating retaliation.
“The aggressive aspects of these responses can themselves take two forms, active and passive. The former is by a direct attack on the hated object. This is exemplified by “grateitude”, a new concept which encompasses the grating, burning feelings produced by an ungrateful state of mind as well as forceful, annihilating retaliation.
The converse is passive aggression. By undermining and sulking, it can be just as incredibly destructive as any overt envious attack.
The converse is passive aggression. This is exemplified by sulking, not doing what is expected. Sulking is a universal phenomenon barely discussed in the psychological literature. I shall show how and why it takes place up to the point where extreme forms of sulking can be as destructive as a direct envious attack.”
Narcissistic parents show a concerning behavior where they expect their children to raise them as opposed to them raising their children.
This demand can exhaust the body of the child who obviously cannot fulfill this role nor is it normal or healthy to compare the child to the parent or demand this.
“Battered babies and children have parents who reverse the roles. They insist that their children look after them, and get enraged if this does not happen.”
Other expressions are a “surreal envy” for one’s child, including Crawford showing extremes of shame and rage over basic sexual activity of her adopted child: “The older Crawford was surreally envious and ruthlessly disruptive of her daughter’s youth, sexuality, prospects, in fact her entire personality.”
“The Hollywood story of actress Joan Crawford and her adopted daughter, Christina, falls into a similar category. Both in the cinema and at home, this mother played the modern sorceress and the malicious queen. Her want was self-seeking infatuation and scornful detachment. At a wave it could turn Christina into a princess at a film opening, or exile her to a convent run like a penal colony, for kissing a boy. The older Crawford was surreally envious and ruthlessly disruptive of her daughter’s youth, sexuality, prospects, in fact her entire personality (Crawford, 1979).”
Another example is a mother who shows all the signs of viewing her son as a self-enhancement, a version of herself as a male.
When he separates himself, she wreaks revenge.
This is a clear sign she views the child as nothing more than a narcissistic self-enhancement and that should he begin to have a life of his own he has stepped out of bounds in her view where she views his only purpose is to act as a tool for her.
“As far as she was concerned he was her, not him, and existed mainly to cure her of emptiness. What she denied was her hatred of him as a male and a separate person. Should he have tried to separate, to be himself, she would have wreaked revenge.”
This concept is personified in the motherhood of Cybele who tries to prevent the marriage of her son by breaking down the walls of the city as it took away his feature as a self-enhancement and made him his own autonomous being in relation to another woman.
It is not normal or healthy to threaten to ruin or interrupt the marriage of one’s child or threaten suicide or complete erasure for getting married, or to generally make vague threats at the idea of one’s child getting married as something locked off to them without specifying why (interrupted self-enhancement).
“She foretold he would die if he loved a woman, that is, grew up, asserted his manhood, and separated from her. The prophecy emanated from his boundless desires.A difficult wedding led to death and resurrection. Attis prepared to marry the daughter of King Midas. Cybele found out and tried to prevent the marriage by breaking down the walls of the city.”
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